When I started my fitness journey, I had no clue I have eventually started one. I remember to hear the word "exercise" and immediately have running in my head. The only form of exercise I knew, oh! and crunches. I was a 13 years old kid, wanting to be healthy. I was barely recovering my mobility from being paralyzed and I had strabismus. What is healthy? How would a 13 years old girl, know what healthy meant? My eating habits were terrible! Not even my mother, aunts or anyone closer to me knew what the word healthy mean. I assume the so called natural foods; (fruits and veggies) converted people healthy individuals(kids imagination). My mom hated veggies and we rarely had fruits at home. I grew up not liking veggies, or fruits. Starting high school, I struggled more with my self-esteem, which I am glad, it was my push to exercise and work to improve myself. I was into tv shows that will talk about fitness and one day I heard "eggs to be bad for cholesterol" something I learned to not to eat. For some reason people who were told to be overweight, had high cholesterol and as the human I am; I assumed cholesterol was the cause of obesity. As our first response; we correlate one thing to be the cause of it. No one said anything about ice cream so after my running of everyday, I would have a Vanilla Blue Bell ice cream with probably some beans burritos made of lard. I had no idea of what fat meant and where it was found. The only fat I knew was the one in the body when someone had love handles and I was so skinny, I kind of felt begging for it. Time pass, I ran my 4 years of high school and incorporated other exercises (donkey kickbacks), because I was told I had no booty, so I found a video that said that will help me grow it. I had it easy (I thought), I should do this, crunches for my abs, running and jump rope to grow my legs and eat everything but no eggs, I will be healthy and I will have a really nice body (pretty legs were in my head with abs and a nice booty) by the age of 21 because it supposedly takes a lot of time (i was 14). At that age of 21, I was starting my first bikini competition, I had already take nutrition classes, I was a personal trainer, I knew about macros (protein, carbs and fat), but changing my body with that had gave me problems. I looked healthy, but I was not in my desired shape. The competition prep diet i was given had no carbs and full of protein! I was seeing results and since I have heard people who struggled with weight, also older than me, telling me that carbohydrates are bad for overweight people. Fruits are carbs, so they really couldn’t make me healthy. I was lost! Extremely confused!
I continue with prep for 4 months, I became a different type of animal. I felt depressed, anxious, angry all the time and physically, mentally tired. Show day was awesome, I loved my pictures, but I binged so much that I was so bloated the next couple days. Then I wasn’t bloated, I actually gained 15 lbs. so fast. I could not control my desire for food. I could not stop myself from eating until I felt sick. I started over exercising 3 x day and everyday. I look descent, but small tiny and at the same time with no muscle definitions like on my show day and with a fat stomach. I cried everyday for a quite period of time.
My mind was very influenced by memories I heard and saw as a kid, from my bikini prep experienced, from tons of books I read, from comments of many people and from what I was seeing in the mirror. I started discovering instagram, I met other competitors struggling with the same. I felt betrayed by my desires. How in the world does those fitness celebrities can look like that everyday? I doubted it!
You have heard "mindset is key." My mind was focused on abs and a big booty but my body’s emotions weren’t allow me to. How could I control that?
A little worse, I had no one I could count on to see and learn from, and leave out of my nightmare.
I was told, i should control myself or I would get diabetes!
But how? i asked and cried.
Long story short.
I emphasized everything that I was learning at school and I applied it into every second I remembered of my